Lucy lives here too

A couple weeks ago we brought Lucy to the developmental pediatrician for her 12 month check-up. She aced all the games and tests and the doctor determined her right on track for a 12-month old. Yay, Lucy! The doctor asked how many words Lucy had. I said none. I mean, she says "mama" and "dada", but not with meaning. She calls my sister and anything she really wants, like my cell phone or camera "mama", too. The doctor told me Lucy should have 3-5 "words" by the time she's 15 months. She asked if we read books and worked on identifying animals and colors and body parts. Books, I thought? Who has time to read books? We have a million books for the kids. Their bookshelf is practically full. And we occasionally sit down to "read" them. But, it's not something I have (or, I should say, make) time to do.

I feel like I spend about 60% of my day attending to the twins' basic needs: diapering, feeding, dressing, napping, bathing, teeth brushing. The other 40% is for playtime and walks. But most playtime is spent with me doing exercises with Drake, like stretches or helping him sit or encouraging him to roll across the room. Lucy is often in the room with us, playing with toys, and I include her as best I can, singing songs and cuddling with her when she crawls into my lap. But the reality is she is getting the short end of the stick right now. I feel so guilty about it, but I don't know what to do. All of Drake's doctors and therapists stress to me how important it is to do as much therapy as I can with him during the first 3 years. My husband helps, and my sister, too, but I am with him the most and bring him to the majority of his appointments. So, right there he gets more 1:1 time with me, as I leave Lucy with my sister when I go to his 4-times-a-week appointments.

I am sure I will be grappling with this for years to come, and there will be times when Lucy is getting the most attention, but right now it feels hard to be a good parent to both twins, especially when they are at such different activity levels.